My mother used to put stuff in boxes. Professionally. She did it for 30 years at the same small-sized suburban Italian company and while the boxes were sent everywhere in the world, my mom and her career weren’t exactly going places.
My dad, the only male among four siblings, had to drop out of middle school to help his father in the fields. Like many of his peers, he learned to think of work as something that is closely related to suffering, sacrifice and blind obedience.
Whenever I tell my parents about company breakfasts, team building events and gamification, they share a very specific look that I’ve come to interpret as “Our son is lying to us. He doesn’t have a job in Berlin. He’s squatting an abandoned building and carries stolen drugs across countries in order to pay for his groceries.”
I get that look. I do. Growing up with a blue-collar mindset made me both conscious of my current luck and weirdly aware of the seemingly absurd sides of the startup life.
This series of posts is the natural consequence of that.
CHAPTER 1: FINDING A JOB
This is going to sound obvious, but in order to work at a startup – in Berlin or anywhere else – you need to either found one or be hired by one. I’m going to focus on the latter ’cause I’m a slacker and I’ve made it my life goal to achieve less and less every day.
If you’re smart you’ve probably created alerts that fire off an email every time a desirable position is available, either through Google Alerts or more specific job hunting platforms like Indeed.de or BerlinStartupJobs.com. What you might not know, though, is that when it comes to job titles startups can be as quirky as the side character of an indie TV series.
The chances that your alert will be triggered by the keyword “customer relationship manager” are thinner, for example, than the ones for the keyword “Customer Happiness Ninja”. Stop looking for “Sales Manager” and keep your eyes open for stuff like “Customer retention power ranger”, “Office management karate kid”, “Java Sorcerer” and any title that could have easily been invented by a Dungeon Master after his sixth pint of mead. ‘Cause nerdz.
Startups want their jobs to sound so cool that it’s impossible not to want them. I’m perfectly happy with my own job, but if I ever read an ad for a “fluffer of moral erections”, I’ll drop everything and go, even if it means I end up teaching old ladies how to dance salsa in a holiday resort a la Swayze in Dirty Dancing.
The exceptions to this rule are the internships. Companies don’t even try to make these “jobs” sound cool, given that the word “intern” is at times already an euphemism for “slave”.
Centuries ago, before the invention of coconut M&Ms or, like, minimum wage, I was doing an internship. Money was so tight that I felt compelled to rewrite the Wikipedia page for the term to reflect my true real feelings about the matter.
Unfortunately a Wikipedia editor told me I wasn’t being – air quote – objective about the facts. Fine, Mr. Logic. Whatever.
Anyway, you need to really read those job postings and check off the required skills one by one, even if that’s boring. And when you’re doing so, try to be honest with yourself about your real capabilities. I once thought my brain had no boundaries, but then it turns out that things like the Norwegian language or “Ruby on Rails” (I still think that’s the name of a synthetic drug) cannot be learned overnight.
Bummer.
Once you’ve found a position that seems perfect for you, don’t just start shooting off applications like crazy. You need to pick the right startup before even letting them pick you. Of course you wanna be employed by a winner and there’s one basic criteria to discern whether an internet company is gonna take over the world. Mark my words: It’s all in the name.
Look around: the “General Motors” days are over. Don’t look for class, meaning or authority in a name. The startup world is now calling for “Goojdi”, “Faamp”, “Leerk” and “Huora” (which was gonna be the name of my own startup until someone told me it literally means “whore” in Finnish). In other words, you need to look for a name that sounds like something between the first words of a baby and what your cat may have written while walking on the keyboard.
The only acceptable alternative to this are Latin words. A lot of startup founders pick these, probably by listening to Harry Potter spells and noting down stuff that sounds nice. Sometimes it works, but other times your web agency ends up being called “ferocity” in Italian.
Roar.
In the next episode I’ll teach you how to actually apply for the startup job of your dreams.
Federico is an Italian in Berlin. He blogs, tweets, infiltrates the German language, and is currently employed at a cool internet company based in Berlin with a million open positions.
If you liked this, check out our observations on the Berlin startup scene, and get more practical advice about landing a startup job (with more GIFs!).
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I feel like shouting, SOMEONE FINALLY SAID IT! Well put. Also you’re a great writer and if you’re ever looking for a job, holler.
Oh hey, Courtney! I haven’t checked back on the comments here in a few months, but thank you so much for your kind words! And coincidentally, I am very much looking for a job. We should chat.
perfect. enought and well said. i wish i have read it one year ago, just as some preparation.
[…] culture and their city, you need to learn German. Most jobs outside of the ultra-competitive startup scene call for at least basic German skills, as do meetings at any government building and phone calls […]
I agree with you berlin is a very nice place for working and living. If you look for it jobs you can check my site Marsjobs.net
On the other hand, the Berlin startup scene can also be seen as a bit of a joke.
Abby has enough guts to speak truthfully and enough wit to speak intelligently, cleverly. If its more women we need in the Berlin start-up seen, then this lady should be front in center.
Exactly my experience.
Nice one Abby! It’s nice to read a personal account of “the other side”. I feel maybe said bitterness felt in said Swiss Get Your Guide office has in fact little to do with you and your opinions per se.
Well said.
It’s a brave and nuanced article. As a representative of a media outlet in the Berliner startup scene I will try to be more aware regarding these issues. Thank you.
“But I now see startups for what they are – new business ventures that are fully reliant on investors, and are not yet profitable. ”
Unless they are bootstrapped, which requires earning some money on the side. But that’s not the kind of startups these guys you talk about here want to build (or, for the most part, are able to build in the first place), or that you hear about in the “tech media bubble”. Nobody knew Peritor before they were bought by Amazon, most people didn’t know about them long after – many still don’t know.
Good article, could use some more concrete examples though! ????
All examples are from Abby’s time at Gidsy. The bitterness can be felt all the way in Swiss GetYourGuide offices..
The essence of what she’s saying is mostly true, I just find it sad that she couldn’t write it without all the petty digs at “a few someones”…
wahhhhhuuuuhhhh wahhhuhhhhh
I am positive she is not talking about her old coworkers here. I know because I know her and I know them. It sounds like a broader view at startups in general and of course some people are not going to like the perspective she writes from because we often don’t hear the negatives of startup life.
I don’t think she is being petty, I think she is being honest in her perspective and in the end it is her take on startups — not everyone has her experiencel.
I don’t think it should be looked at that way at all.
Like I said, I think she states the truth… In fact I don’t disagree with any of the main points.
I just don’t agree that it’s a “broad view”.. this article is filled with insinuations from Abby’s ONE start-up experience, and if you don’t see that you’re letting your friendship cloud your judgement.
I would’ve loved to read an article like this, but without the baggage AC brought to it.
I know she is a freelancer and has had more than one experience in the startup world. But, I know this is hard subject for many people and writing about it will of course make people upset. It might also make people think they are being singled out.
I was just stating that I hope and don’t think she is calling anyone out in particular. And, yes we are friends so I am vouching for her because I know her.
I think Natalie did a great job of explaining, but I thought I would add, V, that this is not a blog post directed at any particular person or company, but is a broad view of startups within the city, that broad view being mine, and we are all entitled to our own opinions, eh?
I think it is interesting that you make such a generalization about my personal experiences without knowing me. If I had just one startup experience, I don’t believe I would write a general piece about Berlin startups. However, I am a freelancer and have worked and collaborated with several startups in the area. I do not dislike startups or feel any malice towards anyone in that world, and just after the opening line mentioned that I have nothing but good things to say about my former employers and friends here.
some people have no home training. who calls someone out and references where they worked. and did you write the article? you clearly didn’t. you don’t know her personal work history or experience.
Hi V,
Thanks for weighing in. I appreciate your insights, however I believe you’ve misread and misunderstood the piece. There is no bitterness or resentment, and if you read through to the end, you will understand that I am trying to give a balanced perspective based on my personal experiences working with startups in Berlin, Gidsy being only one of many I have worked for, collaborated, and/or socialized with. These are all personal opinions expressed here, which is why it’s a blog post, and not a journalistic article.
Wow, anonymous poster. Your dedication to ad hominem attacks, unprofessional name dropping, and straight up rudeness sure does a lot to bolster the professionalism and responsible behavior of the Berlin startup scene.
Not.
stop saying these guys..i’m so sick of reading that in the comments section on startup articles. there are plenty of hard working women that work in startups too.
and aren’t you stating the obvious by saying no one wants to bootstrap. duh.
Berlin has an extremely low percentage of female founders and the problems she wrote about were with “20-something boys in high-level positions”, so I don’t think there is a need to bring idiotic gendering into this, even if you read it literally. Also, I have neither worked for a startup with a female founder nor heard of similar problems at one of the few startups with female founders… which probably doesn’t say a whole lot, because there are just not that many around in Berlin. (I mean actual independent companies, not company builder creations)
Plenty of people want to bootstrap and do in fact bootstrap, you misunderstood that. Just (apparently) not people with a certain background.
Someone call the waaahmbulance… sounds like Abbey needs to go back to the 9 to 5 world.
Can you read? She’s not complaining, she’s giving a realistic view of what Berlin startups are like. If she was bawwwing she wouldn’t have ended the article with telling the reader to give it a try.
Nailed it! I agree with you 100%. Wish we had met ????
Extra points for using the word “Peacocking”
Simply.wow.
Thanks for saying this! It needed to be said.
I second this motion.
You nailed it, nothing to add really. It’s not all bad, it’s not all good. And it has always been that way, maybe before 2000 startups were often a bit less fashion bloggish. But essentially some experience does help. I am 34 now.
I love it.
This is great Abby slash I couldn’t agree more.