{"id":1792,"date":"2021-04-14T06:15:54","date_gmt":"2021-04-14T06:15:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/uberlin.co.uk\/july-2015-uberlin\/"},"modified":"2021-04-15T06:35:59","modified_gmt":"2021-04-15T06:35:59","slug":"july-2015-uberlin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/uberlin.co.uk\/july-2015-uberlin\/","title":{"rendered":"July 2015 – \u00fcberlin"},"content":{"rendered":"
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July 29, 2015<\/abbr><\/h5>\n
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How to work at a startup: 2. Your resume<\/a><\/h3>\n

by Guest Blogger<\/span><\/h4>\n
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By Federico Prandi.<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve read the previous chapter of this guide<\/a>, you should have identified the startup job of your dreams and be ready to apply.<\/p>\n

If you haven\u2019t found your dream job, that probably means you\u2019re being too picky and are doomed to homelessness while you wait around for that perfect job to pop up (\u201cHairstylist at a horse beauty contest\u201d).<\/p>\n

\"hairstyle\"<\/a><\/p>\n

But let\u2019s assume you are ready to go.<\/p>\n

Applying for a job at an internet startup is a delicate process that you can\u2019t afford to fuck up. Your whole career depends on this preliminary phase, so in this second chapter I\u2019ll focus on how to put together a spotless Curriculum Vitae.<\/p>\n

STEP 1 \u2013 LAYOUT<\/strong><\/p>\n

Once upon a time the world of CVs was ruled by an evil king called European Model. The European Model states that all the information inside a CV shall be divided into two columns and presented in the most readable (i.e. boring) way possible, as if to proudly proclaim to the world that we all have OCD.<\/p>\n

Then the game changed. Recruiters were getting tired of their job<\/del> life after hours of going through piles of excruciatingly boring and anonymous documents, while at the same time Internet startups started understanding the value of differentiation and personality.<\/p>\n

I remember the day that Davide, a former boss of mine, decided that pink was the right colour with which to rebrand his career and had a professional graphic designer redesign his resume. Not only did the document suddenly look shiny and fresh, but a couple of weeks later Davide was offered a new, better job.<\/p>\n

Clearly, I needed to follow his footsteps.<\/p>\n

I went home and dusted off my self-taught Paint skills to give my CV that subtle touch of personality which makes it look like the Myspace page of a 13-year-old Luke Perry fan.<\/p>\n

\"blur_CV\"<\/p>\n

I only wish the PDF format allowed me to include a \u201cMy Heart Will Go On\u201d midi file and an animated glitter effect on each page, but I guess you can\u2019t have everything.<\/p>\n

STEP 2 \u2013 THE PHOTO<\/strong><\/p>\n

Stop everything you\u2019re doing now. You need to take care of your CV photo ASAP. There are three possible strategies to follow:<\/p>\n

1) The Conference Photo<\/em><\/p>\n

My personal favourite resume picture is the one in which the subject is giving a talk at a conference, looking irresistibly smart.<\/p>\n

Of course, you can always fake this. You just need a shot taken from below (or by a very short person) while you\u2019re holding a microphone. Karaoke will do, but be sure to take care to Photoshop out the lyrics of \u201cTotal Eclipse of the Heart\u201d from that giant screen in the background.<\/p>\n

2) The German Photo<\/em><\/p>\n

Months ago I tricked my boyfriend into watching five hours of Vier Hochzeiten und eine Traumreise<\/em> (the German version of the American reality show Four Weddings<\/em>). It really seemed as if the future brides on the show hadn\u2019t grown up idealising their wedding and I ended up applauding German society for that.<\/p>\n

The truth is that in Germany your wedding day is not even as important as the day on which you have your LinkedIn picture taken. Little girls grow up dreaming of which pantsuit they\u2019re going to wear and their prudent mothers make sure to have enough money saved up to pay for makeup artists.<\/p>\n

A German CV photo basically portrays you at your fanciest. If the Financial Times<\/em> and Men\u2019s Health<\/em> were ever to merge and I was asked to appear on the cover, that\u2019s the kind of picture I would go for.<\/p>\n

3) The Boy Next Door Photo<\/em><\/p>\n

I hate to highlight this, but a lot of internet startups are owned by nerds who still giggle when they see a boob and have been wearing the same three hoodies for the past 13 years.<\/p>\n

If you suspect option 1 and 2 may be too threatening for the company you\u2019re approaching, just go for the boy-next-door photo. Smile at the camera, look natural, don\u2019t overdo it. And if you can\u2019t help thinking the picture could be better, send it to your friend who claims to know Photoshop and ask him or her to Vogue<\/em> it up. That expensive nose job you\u2019ve always desired is only a couple of clicks away.<\/p>\n

\"noses\"<\/p>\n

(Shout out to my co-worker Maria for noticing, after months of working together, that \u201cthere\u2019s something different in your LinkedIn picture, but I couldn\u2019t say what\u201d).<\/p>\n

STEP 3 \u2013<\/strong> CONTENT<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Wait a second now. Nobody knows better than I that the sentence \u201cI can easily operate an excavator\u201d comes with a price, so I don\u2019t mean to suggest you write things that aren\u2019t true on your CV. You should definitely consider, though, writing things that are *almost* true.<\/p>\n

Every single task you do at work can be blown up to unprecedented levels of greatness and graciously land on your resume. Last week, for example, I put together a scrapbook for a co-worker who\u2019s leaving the company and even though the result looked pretty amateurish, I can\u2019t wait for my next employer to read about my skills in \u201ccoordinating and executing internal design projects involving more than 20 team members\u201d.<\/p>\n

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You know what I mean? In order to write a good CV you need to walk the fine line between truth and outright lie, and pray that nobody checks your criminal record.<\/p>\n

Some more random tips include:<\/p>\n