{"id":2947,"date":"2021-04-14T06:47:47","date_gmt":"2021-04-14T06:47:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/uberlin.co.uk\/sexpat-and-the-city-cause-when-it-comes-to-love-i-stay-sharp-cool-and-collected-uberlinuberlin\/"},"modified":"2021-04-14T06:47:47","modified_gmt":"2021-04-14T06:47:47","slug":"sexpat-and-the-city-cause-when-it-comes-to-love-i-stay-sharp-cool-and-collected-uberlinuberlin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/uberlin.co.uk\/sexpat-and-the-city-cause-when-it-comes-to-love-i-stay-sharp-cool-and-collected-uberlinuberlin\/","title":{"rendered":"Sexpat and the City: Cause when it comes to love I stay sharp, cool and collected\u2026 : uberlinuberlin"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n

Sexpat and the City: Cause when it comes to love I stay sharp, cool and collected\u2026<\/h3>\n

by Mr. Sexpat<\/span><\/h4>\n
\n

\"\"Mr. Sexpat is a twentysomething English expat living, and occasionally loving, in Berlin. Join us as we follow him into the seamy underbelly of the city’s single scene.
<\/strong>
“LARGE SCREAM! It\u2019s the first year in ages that I\u2019ve been single; single and in Berlin! Enter slightly agitated emoticon stage left. This is the one day of the year dedicated to that crazy little thing called Love (and to emptying your wallet). But worry not – for I am about to advise a number of people I have never met how to survive Valentine’s Day based on nothing more than common sense and crushing narcissism.<\/p>\n

In a relationship? Either you leak currency all over your loved ones or face potentially fatal levels of passive-aggressive psychological warfare. \u201cBut wait!\u201d, you exclaim. \u201cI just handed all my money to some fat, pissed prick in a red suit not more than a month ago!\u201d My advice, mate, is never argue with winged men-children wielding a bow and arrow. Also, always check if anyone nearby can also see said flying Roman deity before replying…<\/p>\n

\"Love<\/a><\/p>\n

Currently single or \u201cit\u2019s complicated\u201d (not a real thing)? Things shouldn’t appear quite as bleak as they probably really are, because – thank Eros – Berlin clearly doesn\u2019t give two flying heart-shaped shits about February 14th! Not just because it\u2019s a massive waste of effort and money but it\u2019s also quintessentially un-Berlin. Case in point: not one single person in the German office I occasionally pretend to work in is celebrating or even thinking about V-Day. Meanwhile, walk down any high street in the UK and it suddenly becomes imperative that you spend at least 100 English dollars on reminding your loved ones that you remembered that you should remind them to remember that you love them very very much.<\/p>\n

The closest I\u2019ve come to witnessing any kind of romance in Berlin is on a small patch of grass in Tiergarten frequented by naked men. Don\u2019t believe me? How about a hot date with a sexy doner in Hermannplatz watching homeless people pass out in portable toilets with needles sticking out of their arms? This city was built on Sex & Drugs, not Ro & Mance.<\/p>\n

So, single Berliners, what are we going to do while the balls and chains of the city loudly exchange mouth DNA on various mode of transport? As in any capital city, the lonely hoards are paying more rent and taxes and not getting laid frequently enough – they must be entertained! For instance, you could go sit in a bar, get drunk, take some rotter home and \u201cfuck the pain away\u201d. Or why not paint your bathroom windows black, kill the lights, blindfold yourself in a cold tub full of ice and wait until morning comes? You\u2019ll be saving countless Euro Pounds by not plying someone you\u2019ve already seen naked 7,822 times before with toxic amounts of alcohol just to see if their legs will bend an extra two inches further behind their head.<\/p>\n