When it comes to Berlin, we’re enthusiastic to a fault. In fact, we’re often reminded that, if we keep banging on about how amazing the place is, a tidal wave of expats will flood in here – and give us plenty of reasons to complain. Thank God, then, for Rachel Hutchinson, a Brit who’s been in Berlin for four and a half years, and is balancing out our positivity with some stark commentary on the realities of living here. Introducing: Berlin Rants.
The Supermarket.
Coming from England, I never envisioned not being able to buy everything you want under one roof.
A 24-hour Tesco around the corner can give you the false impression that fully stocked shelves are available 24/7 everywhere.
In Berlin I found out that sadly this is not true.
It was hard to find a chicken. Yes, a chicken! I had to buy three tiny chickens instead. So, we each had our own mini chicken, or Poussin, whatever you call them, on our plate. Novel – as a one off! But, how hard can it be to get a whole chicken?
Sometimes Berlin supermarkets will run out of eggs or milk. You know, just the essentials.
Don’t expect to be able to buy mincemeat on a Saturday evening.
Don’t expect there to buy both baked beans and rocket in the same supermarket.
Certainly don’t expect to buy beef.
Actually forget everything you already know about supermarkets. It no longer applies.
Prepare yourself for having to visit at least two supermarkets to get everything you need. Prepare yourself not to be able to pay on credit card. Prepare yourself not to be able to do your shopping on a Sunday.
Prepare for long queues. Prepare for just one checkout being open. Prepare yourself for unhelpful shop assistants who deliberately don’t move out of your way.
Forget 3-for-2s, 2-for-1s or any other offer. Forget shelf re-stockers. If we run out, we run out.
And forget fresh spinach.
Interfering.
I was cycling to work one summer morning and my bike wheel got caught in the tramlines by Alexanderplatz. I fell off my bike and cut my leg.
Blood started pouring down my leg. Not in a dramatic way, but enough for it to hurt. So I get up and brush the gravel off my leg, wipe the blood, and pick my bike up.
An old man starts walking towards me. I think he’s going to ask me if I’m ok or if I needed some help.
No. He comes over and starts speaking to me in German, and tells me that I should be wearing better shoes to cycle!
I am wearing a pair of Havianas (flip flops), which I wear most of the summer, and always cycle with. And I hadn’t fallen off my bike because my shoes were not suitable enough; I had blatantly fallen off because my bike wheel was caught in the tramline. He saw what happened.
I couldn’t believe it. My leg was bleeding, and this old man had come over just to rub my nose in it and to preach about my wrong behaviour. Typical German.
They seem to love to interfere or nosily point things out to you. Maybe they actually think they are being helpful. But most of the time I wish they just wouldn’t interfere.
Like the woman who stopped me on the bike to tell me my lights were not working. I stopped, pulled my earphones out to hear what she was saying, and then got my earphone cable caught in the bike wheel, so my bike ended up falling over.
Thanks! That was helpful. And I knew the bloody light wasn’t working anyway!
But the worst time was when one woman thought it was OK to tap me on the shoulder while I was cycling, just for joining the bike lane, because she didn’t see me. She tapped my shoulder! To tell me I was in the wrong.
How dare she touch me! I was outraged, but I held my tongue because I didn’t want to really lose my temper.
Pedantic.
The rules are the rules are the rules are the rules.
Yes. If you are German, this is so.
Dot the “i”s and cross the “t”s, everything has to be just so.
You cannot deviate from the rules, or the unthinkable will happen. What the unthinkable is, I still don’t know.
I once went to the Berlin Festival at Tempelhof with a friend from London. She had just had clear braces fitted, and so could only drink clear drinks for a while.
She went to the bar, she wanted a vodka tonic. However, the menu said just gin and tonic, or vodka and lemonade.
She asked for a vodka and tonic. The bar woman said this was not possible. They just sold gin and tonic, vodka and lemonade. Both were 6€.
My friend said this was stupid, how could she not have a vodka and tonic. What was the difference, they were both the same price.
But the woman held strong. No. It was just gin and tonic, or vodka and lemonade. That was what was on the menu, that was what was available. So my friend got a gin and tonic, and came back to where I was sat.
“It’s no joke about the Germans being sticklers for the rules!” she said, and told me what had happened at the bar.
I laughed. “Welcome to Germany!”
Shhhhhh.
I’ve been shhhhhsh’d on the bus.
I’ve been shhhhhhsh’d in a café.
I’ve been shhhhhhhsh’d in the office.
Ok, I admit it, I can be pretty loud, but I’ve even been shhhhhhhsh’d at a gig!
The Germans just love their quiet. Even at a concert they prefer it when everyone stands around silently appreciating the music, rather than dancing and having fun.
We were shhhhhhhhhsh’d at an electronic concert. I couldn’t believe it! It is not a library, it’s a place where people go to dance, party and let their hair down. How could someone really think it was ok to shhhhh us?
So we were deliberately loud after that. Petty, but childishly satisfying.
But for the rest of the gig I kind of wanted to shake people and shout at them, “Why aren’t you dancing?” dance goddamnit, this is Digitalism.
All words and images courtesy of Rachel Hutchinson. Read more of Rachel’s rants at 28rantslater.blogspot.de.
James Glazebrook 
Ivy Lee 
Zoë Noble 
Taimoor 
ChloeZ 
We experience a lot of these same issues here in the Netherlands. Glad to know we’re not alone in feeling terribly loud and incompetent a good portion of the time.
Still, it’s def not a bad place to be, and we have wonderful friends in Germany. Hoping for an opportunity near Berlin in a couple years. Thanks for the great insights!
Eventhough I’m not in Berlin, currently residing else here in this beautiful republic. I’ll never forget the time when I was looking for a comb in Woolworths. I approached a sales assistant who was busy stacking shelves to ask where the combs are located: “Entschuldigung, können Sie mir bitte helfen?” To which I was greeted with “Ich habe jetzt keine Zeit”. She soon regretted saying that to me. “Wieso haben Sie keine Zeit – Sie arbeiten doch hier, oder? “Können Sie mir bitte erklären wieso Sie keine Zeit haben”….. I gave her a gobfull for about ten minutes. Sure she had to disappear for a break afterwards.
Then there was the time I mistakenly bought some mouldy cheese in Rewe. Took it back after opening it at home asking for an exchange. The cashier’s response: “ich kann nichts dafür”. Could go on and on here but will leave it at this point otherwise this comment will be a whole page or more long.
whoopsie. elsewhere.
Much better not to give them a choice, Entschuldigung, wo könnte ich einen Kamm finden bitte. Direct and polite will usually help.
Ahh, such as expat life and life in Germany! Thanks for the reminder about some of the quirky things I miss about Germany.
I actually like the directness of Germans and now that I’m home in Canada, I’ve come to resent how very few people will say how they feel.
To everyone who is complaining that the article is negative, what exactly did you expect when it’s entitled “rants”? To rant = to speak or shout at length in an angry, impassioned way. How could it possibly be anything but negative.
Nice one. Not only funny but true!
Although i have to say that i do know supermarkets open on Sunday (ok, just 3 or 4), and when the same with my bike and the tramlines by Hackeser Mark happened to me, 2 persons tried to help me.
And the same issue with the vodka tonic, but with Rum and lemonade , LOL! ..the waitress also exclaimed “who the hell would wanted to drink rum with lemonade?!?!” ..hahahaha!
For those criticizing the post, please more sense of humor to accept it!
Ps: as Spanish, baked beans is something i definetly do not miss finding in a supermarket
Thanks Raul! It’s good that someone is taking it in the light hearted manner it was meant
And yes, I can imagine you don’t mind not coming across our weird, sweet beans! Although, if you ever do want some, Edeka stock them!
Lidl sometimes has a ‘Brit’ week featuring ‘Hatherwoods’ baked beans – unfortunately, they’re really, really sweet beans. Heinz baked beans are available in most supermarkets, though, eg. Rewe. Erasco baked beans are a definite no, no.
Edeka is turning into my one of my favorite ones. I have found there the closest thing to a spanish snack called “Risketos” …and thas weirder that your beans for sure
Wow, real 1st world problems… not getting minced meat on Saturday, and the culture is different from home.
What a narrow-minded, pedantic, negative article – can´t believe it!
Why do you publish such a rubbish?
Why don´t you stay, where people are exactly as you wish them to be?
Who cares about buying everything in one supermarket? strange problems.
Extremely negative and generalized blog. The scenarios you described there can happen anywhere in the world, not just in Berlin or Germany in general.
thumbs up!
true
These are not Berlin specific issues. They are the same all over Germany. The real Berlin issue is the terrible job market.
well, Berliners are famed for their Schnauze. Berlin is seen as the capital of rudeness by people from other parts of Germany and that’s saying something!
Germans shouldn’t be allowed to speak German at least in Berlin. They are so annoying, why do they live here? Everybody should speak English, pretend to be poor and wear ultra thick glasses.
What? Germans shouldn’t be allowed to speak German? Haahahaha. That made me giggle!
100% sympathy. Lived in DE for 24 years, and the no-sunday-shopping-thing and the bad-supermarkets-with-no-product-choice-thing still makes me cry. And no, I don’t want to go to a farmer’s market. I hate muddy vegetables. Never thought I’d say this, but I miss Tesco.
I love it that the shops aren’t open on Sundays. The supermarkets do stock a wide range of products – just not any extra strong cheddar, which would certainly go down a treat. If you cook, you can certainly buy all the ingredients you would normally need, apart from extra strong cheddar for a fish pie topping
My local Asian supermarket is bloody excellent. In fact, I do most of my shopping there because I cook lots of curries. Turns out, a lack of decent curry houses here has done wonders for my Indian cooking experiments.
You can find extra strong cheddar at the Galeria Kaufhof. Sometimes I go and get some from there as a treat.
Goodness gracious, an old man in Germany – speaking German! Obviously a twisted, sadistic move designed only to annoy the author, and one that should never be tolerated.
Indeed, that’s really unfair
I hate people talking at concerts and bothering others. No lights is pretty dangerous (just put yourself in a car drivers position) and yes, Germans don’t shy away to tell someone off if something is bothering them instead of suffering through it. I like that.
one sees what one wants to see. 3,5 years in Berlin, still happy and having same problems I would have integrating elsewhere. Überlin is a constant source for rants, why? Unsubscribing from you guys. Good luck.
Go ahead. But what was the last rant we posted?
Your entire Expat Life section reads as a rant, unfortunately. Of course, it is my personal very biased opinion.
thumbs up, Natallia!
guys, seriously, lighten up. I loved this article. On the nose. Also, it fits my mood today.
This does not mean that everything should change according the wishes of all expats.
It’s just a rant, nothing more, nothing less
Some people are really taking it far too seriously, it’s just a rant. I love Berlin, but everybody says that…
Oh, Aman, in total agreement. And classic response to attack someone who dare utter a word of what I hear almost every expat I’ve ever met say at some point. Berlin’s a tough town. I once heard a Berlin-raised journalist who had traveled the world say on the radio during an interview that hands down Berliners were the nastiest people he had come across the world over. I don’t know that I agree with his assessment, but after 12 years here, I can sure see how someone might arrive there.
Damn, she does take ranting to a new level
But complaining about a German speaking German in Germany, might be a bit out there though
Then again that old bugger should have know, this Berlin!! Expats own it now and we demand you speak English to us.
Preposterous…
I think you missed the point. Obviously there’s nothing wrong with a German speaking German
It was what he said that wound me up.
what are you? a teenage cry baby or what?
I find this blog incredibly negative and generalizing. I am an expat
ang have lived in several differnt countries. Obviously things are different everywhere you go and if you chose to live in a country but continuously compare everything to home that’s just ignorant. Oviously this person has come utterly unprepared and I have the impression she also didn’t bother learning the language. So really there should be a rant about her moving to a different country when she really should have just stayed put in the UK.
What gives you the impression that the writer hasn’t learned German? Isn’t that another generalisation?
That’s a complete generalisation. I did learn German, every night in the week after work, because I wouldn’t move to another country and not learn their language. Not that I ever need to speak it, as germans always reply in English.
Wouldn’t it have been a good idea to then write the rant in German? Wouldn’t an expat-in-Berlin-blog in German be a good idea? I don’t mean to be offensive, but I really think it’s time for a German expat blog.
No offence taken! Interesting idea… but if it was in German, lots of expats wouldn’t be able to read it :/
The best bit of advice I got when I first arrived in LA, from Melbourne, was from an American who kept saying “Toto. You aren’t in Kansas anymore.” whenever I would complain/comment about the differences between the two countries.
YAIKAM became a sort of relaxing mantra whenever I fell into the ultimately tiring/pointless exercise of comparison between old-home and new-home.
Great advice. I try to adopt the mantra “MEH”, when the cognitive dissonance gets too much to bear.
Does this city already sound silent to a Brit? As a German, I can only wish for the silence that would be worth shhhhhhhing for.
God no, Berlin is buzzing! I think the difference is that Germans aren’t afraid to tell people to be quiet when they should be. Personally, I love it!